back to you

i was finally back to Singapore and immediately i felt a big difference... the big bad weather! i starts to perspire easily when i step out of Changi airport... i felt my skin back being sticky. it was like slimmer (the ghost busters green slimy thing) have just fall on me! very uneasy and quite sad to adapt back to Singapore's weather... because Taiwan is so cooling in the night! so cooling that you don't even need fan or air conditioner!

meantime while coming back to Singapore is good also because i miss home! i miss my dog, i miss my bed, i miss mee pok, i miss my buddy and friends and i miss church! but when the plane starts flying off back to Singapore, i starts to miss the "shao bing" in Taiwan! but thank God that i know how to do it. i can't wait to do it myself and try it out! i even miss the local products like grilled sotongs and the famous Taiwan sausages!

when i hit back home... my dog just can't stop licking at me because i was away from home for so long... i think he miss my smell and care... he sat with me the whole day on my lap not moving much, just wanting me to stroke at him... as usual, he will lick my hands, neck and cheeks...

a week before i flew to Taiwan, i actually starts picking up smoking again... at that time, i was stressed out with some issues and i don't wish to share it with anyone at first, i just wanted something to accompany me and that thing can't talk. and that so called best things are cigarettes... i started smoking again before i flew to Taiwan. started from light to average and when i was at Taiwan, i became heavy smoking. until a point where i suddenly get sick of smoking and was coughing badly. i just couldn't cough out the disgusting phlegm that is stuck in my throat.

so i eventually said to myself that i must stop! i don't want to continue smoking when i am back in Singapore... from reds, charcoal filter, i smoke menthol lights and my throat starts to get better. and from getting better, i manage to cough out the phlegm that is stuck in my throat. it was sticky and greenish! and that means i am very heaty! so slowly, even after i smoke menthol, i still gets a bad feeling of it because it makes me wanna puke this time! so slowly from 10 to 5 to 2 to none... i broke the promises to myself, now i have to start all over again. 7th May 2008 0400hrs was my last stick of cigarettes. i have to stay strong in this promise again!

few times as smokers smoke pass me, the urge of smoking was there but i manage to get control of it and manage to focus on doing something else that is more healthy to my body. few times i were tempted but i know that if i keep saying tomorrow is a better day, i will never be able to stop smoking. so thank God that i did not pick up that urge or not i am a goner! Praise the Lord!

many have not known that i have picked up smoking again and have let it go again. my buddy doubt me, its fine with me because at the end of the day, i know what i am doing, good or bad. well, its better to confess than to keep it as a secret. many will think that it was excuses, but how many have actually thought of what am i thinking of before they offer solutions to my problems? i think that no one have thought of what was my brain thinking before they said "excuses". quite sad to hear that but it was true... now, i'm on my way to stop smoking and building the promises again! i pray to God that this wish will not be broken again! and i pray that i will receive the strength to stay strong in it.

i wish to settle down with a life partner soon but i have yet to find one... not even a close one... i pray that He will send one right one for me and if i am blind by so many things, i pray that He will open my eyes so that i can see who she is. is love lacking in my life? i think its a yes to it. or can someone say no for me? i'm quite confused with who i should date and where i should find dates... i wonder if i will be engaged by the age of 28... does my life sound screwed? i hope not...

in another 6 month or so, i will be resigning from the forces... the burden of jobless was heavy, the burden of school fees was heavy, as well as the daily and living expenses... i believe that God will provide me a way... i most prob will be going to study in F&B line first, to get more networks of the outside world, though it will be like shit. i have to endure on, as this IS my passion. no one have forced me into F&B line. not like army, i will still have to serve it anyway, so at that point of time, money first, career second... now career and money are fighting to be the number 1 place in my life. at times i am very confused about this... money problems are slowing trying to surface up, i am trying to keep my cool and be able to manage it.

Retirement plans, Relationships and Residential. all seems to be linked into one... and it seems to be tied down to one thing, money. i have to built my business up before i hit 28. i want to hit my first $10k per month before i hit 30. i believe that my business will prosper in many ways and i will receive hundredfolds of profits! i hope for multiple income by 32, at least 3 source of income just from me alone... i hope this dream will come alive in me... thank you Lord!